2007-11-03
To.
I'm hoping this won't ruin our friendship.
You don't seem to understand. I can't help but feel awkward about this entire feeling, and no matter how hard I try to tell you seriously, you don't seem to get it.
Some part of me hopes desperately that you're just joking, screwing around with my head like you love to do, considering how we've always been crazy together, done stupid stunts, promised dumb things. But this is different, because it involves a feeling I'm not used to.
Perhaps I'm getting possessive, protective. I tend to be almost selfish that way some times, but the way you treat it so frivolously hurts.
I know, you've probably been through some shit that I don't know about, something that may or may not be worse than me. But now, this is different. I'm trying to move on, and these feelings are what keep me going, in a sense. For that renewal, that rebirth.
Please, please don't take them away from me. You are a dear friend to me, and I've really had fun around you, crazying and doing dumb things. Don't force me into ignoring you, hating you, lying to you.
Let me be happy. I know you probably haven't seen me that emo before, but this once I have to tell you. Just let me enjoy this feeling without me having to be afraid or unhappy.
For once, I just want to feel.
This be paranoia and too much time to think. Much love to you.
abstracity at 6:33 p.m.