2007-08-14
Understanding.
Dear Nandini,
I know that you probably won't see this blog entry, and even if you do, it may be many months after this incident. Still, I would like to write it out all the same.
Thank you very much for what you did today. While it was a small, simple gesture, and part of an English Project no less, it still meant a lot to me.
You surprised me with the questions at first, as they were all quite personal and brought back a flood of memories, both bitter and sweet. I was shocked, even, since I was expecting a considerably carefree letter, but I was glad to be able to write out what I really felt, honestly. Every single word I wrote on that piece of paper was what I felt, believed, and thought.
I have changed since last year. It's a strange thing, changing, and I'm not necessarily comfortable with it. I have had jealousies, loves, aches, exhaustion, sadness, euphoria. I'd gone through some pretty bad crap, really, or at least it was a point in life for me. I'm learning to let go of what I've lost now, and while it still hurts when I think of what it was like, what could have been, et cetera, I guess I'm starting to look at what could be and what can be. Not easy, but I shall try.
So I'm digressing. Okay.
Today you really did touch on a darker, quieter side that I don't usually show people, since people don't usually ask or bother. So thank you for helping me get in touch with that part of my emotions, because it really woke me up, in a sense, and made me realize that while being completely nuts is a good thing at times, it's not the only part of life.
Like what you said, human beings have many facades. I know that even my reaction to your letter (all my thumbs-up and crazy laughter) may have seemed considerably strange, but I think I've forgotten, quite briefly, how to react to such things. It's been awhile, yes, so don't mind if I seem frivolous. It's just my way of coping with the feelings in front of people.
And this time, since I have had the time to properly type out an entry and reply, thank you. Thank you for trying to understand me, thank you for seeing under the layers, thank you for helping to make me realize who I was again. Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you.
Much love,
Joy.
abstracity at 5:50 p.m.